the internet slapstick centre, powered by cookies and the tears of twilight fans

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I called my mom to get some tips on freezing portions of cooked food. She replied, “Same advice I gave your dad 30 years ago: double bag it”

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*swears at StayPuft man*
Heh I’m harshing your mallow. owned

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i want to kith a duckbilled platyputh

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RT @lowtax: shocked parents discover grade school library has book explaining satanism, homosexuality, and drugs. town gathers to burn ” …

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And with his fair rulings, Judge Tiramisu proved he was a just dessert. *prepares speech for best tweeter award ceremony*

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Merry Christmas, friends. Even if, like me, you’re not religious and just doing it out of habit. You’d be a fool to turn down free stuff!